Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
