im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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