how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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