We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
