That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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