I cut my penus on the lid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
