Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
