I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Houston, we have a squirter
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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