How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
