i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
