I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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