MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
