Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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