He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
