You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
