what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
