You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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