weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
NoShamevember. You game?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
