I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
