Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
