i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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