at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
