I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize