I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
