Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
