Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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