What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
