maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
