I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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