I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
