I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
