i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
