What a fucking waste of an outfit
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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