Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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