Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
