Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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