Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
