Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
