i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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