like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
