Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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