Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
