my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
