he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
