so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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