i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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