he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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