Where is the hickey?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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