So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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