no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
