He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize