soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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