Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
