Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
