I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
