I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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