I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
