it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
