sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
