I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
