Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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