what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
