I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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