Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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