Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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