he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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