Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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