I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
