So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
