JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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