I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
