You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Less talking, more tequila
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
