Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sober January is a disaster.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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