You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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