I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
