sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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