med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
