I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's blow job season.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
