My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
be right there i have to get my cape
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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